it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
