okay pat passed out under dana's car
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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