I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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