I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize