Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
