you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
