Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
