I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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