my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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