I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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