I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
