anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
