I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
