I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
