My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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