taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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