She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
