If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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