So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
