i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Randomize
