Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
