Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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