Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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