I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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