I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
