why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
