Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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