Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
