he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
