You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Randomize
