I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
