I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
