roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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