Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
