my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize