you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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