i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
