so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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