first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
