you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
