i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
