Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
