return my video game
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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