Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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