As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
