I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
