We named our party play list daddy issues
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
