there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
