Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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