Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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