Please, let me fuck your mom
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
