dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Girls should come with a carfax report
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
