Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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