I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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