I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
