69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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