my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
