I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
