And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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