mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
