The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
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