party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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