I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
