i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
