Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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