Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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