I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
