goodnight i made you a song goodbye
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
