He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
